When the Body Says No…The Cost of Suppressed Emotions
In today’s fast-paced world, where appearance and likability often outweigh emotional truth, many people, especially those who grew up in emotionally challenging environments, have learned to survive by suppressing their authentic selves. They become the “nice ones,” the “helpers,” the ones who put everyone’s needs ahead of their own. While society may applaud this selflessness, the body often tells a different story.
The Roots of Suppression: Attachment vs. Authenticity
As children, we are wired for two fundamental needs: attachment and authenticity. Attachment ensures our survival through closeness and care, particularly from caregivers. Authenticity, on the other hand, is about staying true to ourselves, acknowledging and acting on our emotions, needs, and instincts.
But what happens when being authentic threatens the attachment we depend on?
For many, the answer is subconscious and automatic: authenticity is sacrificed. When a parent cannot handle a child’s anger or emotional expression, perhaps because of their own trauma or stress, the child adapts by suppressing their feelings to maintain the relationship. This survival mechanism, though necessary in childhood, becomes damaging in adulthood.
Nice on the Outside, Suffering Within
Many adults, praised for their kindness and helpfulness, are inwardly disconnected from their true emotions. They serve others compulsively, unaware of their own unmet needs. This chronic suppression can lead to a host of physical issues, from autoimmune diseases to digestive disorders and even cancer. When people say of the dearly departed, “They were so nice, so selfless,” we must ask: at what cost?
The body remembers what the mind forgets. Unprocessed emotions, especially anger, grief, or fear, don’t simply disappear. They lodge in the body, weakening the immune system and setting the stage for illness. The internal conflict between appearing fine and feeling broken slowly eats away at one’s health. (Watch this Youtube video)
Healthy Anger and the Power of Saying “Stop”
Anger, when expressed healthily, is a boundary-setting force. It protects us. However, in many families, expressing anger was punished or ignored. Children learn to freeze, shut down, or dissociate instead. Later in life, even when a person has power and agency, they may find themselves paralyzed in situations that call for assertiveness.
Setting boundaries begins in the body, not in rational thought. That tightness in the solar plexus, the quickened breath, the clenched jaw, these are signals. But if we’re disconnected from our bodily sensations, we miss them. Learning to sit still, breathe deeply, and listen to these subtle cues can help us reclaim our right to say “no,” to assert, to protect ourselves.
Breath as Medicine – A Path Back to the Body
Practices like box breathing, inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, help calm the nervous system and bring us into the present moment.
Used by trauma survivors and even the military for PTSD, this method helps restore balance and reconnect us to ourselves. It’s a small but powerful act of self-care that can begin to reverse years of emotional suppression.
When the Body Says No
If we don’t listen to our inner voice, our bodies will speak for us. Illness, chronic pain, anxiety, and depression are often ways the body says: “You’re not okay.” Instead of viewing these symptoms purely as problems to fix, we can begin to see them as messages, calls to come home to ourselves.
Our culture may prize toughness and independence, but we were never meant to go it alone or bury our pain. Healing begins when we honor our emotions, reclaim our authenticity, and learn, often with support, how to feel again. And sometimes, the very breakdowns we fear are the breakthroughs that lead us back to wholeness.
If your body is whispering or shouting that something’s not right, it’s time to listen. Start by reconnecting with your breath, your emotions, and your truth. You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Take the first step toward healing by giving yourself permission to feel. Your health and your wholeness, begin with one brave breath. (Watch these Youtube videos 1 and 2 for more.)
Ready to embark on a journey of health and healing?
You don’t have to navigate this path alone. At Moose Anger Management and Healing Anger (for Women), we provide resources and support to help you heal generational wounds and build healthier emotional habits.
Take the first step today:
- Call us for a confidential consultation
- Join our supportive group sessions for men or group sessions for women
- Access our specialized one-on-one counseling
Contact Moose Anger Management at 604-723-5134 or email us for more info@angerman.ca.
